It is I, Count Bubba, Good Buddy of Darkness!
It’s as if logic, the laws of physics, and a basic understanding of simple arithmetic just don’t exist for the brainiacs in power.  According to the third highest ranking Democrat in the House of Representatives, majority whip James Clyburn of South Carolina, The U.S. government must spend its way out of the recession.  He said recently,

“We’ve got to spend our way out of this recession, and I think most economists know that.”

My question is:  If most economists know that, what planet are most economists from?

How much more detached from reality can Clyburn be?  If a family (or a country for that matter) makes $50,000 per year, but has expenses of $75,000 per year, spending $80,000 dollars per year won’t do anything to improve their financial situation.  Thinking that increasing your spending is a way to work yourself out of bankruptcy makes about as much sense as voting guys like Clyburn into office.

In reality the only way most families could even come up with that extra money is to apply for more credit cards.  Of course the credit card companies eventually will cut the spendthrift family off.  Unlike Clyburn, most families can’t vote themselves a pay raise every year, can’t vote themselves cushy pension plans, or an outstanding  medical plan.

I can hear certain tiny pea brains out there saying, “But Bubba, he was talking about Government spending, not some mythical family!”  Concentrate oh liberal mush-head.  Let a modicum of logic sink slowly through the thick layer of bone down to that tiny organ you’re supposed to reason with.  All the money Clyburn and his bright comrades plan to use as they spend our way out of this recession must come from the pockets of real families.  Your family, my family, your neighbor’s family, and your boss’s family.

It sounds like the voters of South Carolina need to cancel the majority whip’s credit card and give James Clyburn the opportunity to get a real job in the private sector so he can bone up on the realities of the way the world works.

It is I, Count Bubba, Good Buddy of Darkness! I recently read on the BBC Earth News website about a movie that was made by chimpanzees.

The world’s first film shot entirely by chimpanzees is to be broadcast by the BBC as part of a natural history documentary.

The apes created the movie using a specially designed chimp-proof camera given to them by primatologists.
The film-making exercise is part of a scientific study into how chimpanzees perceive the world and each other.

At first it sounded like a novel idea, but then I realized that Chelsea Handler and Keith Olbermann are already on the air and have been for some time, so I questioned the novelty of such a concept.

The article further revealed that:

Initially, the chimps were more interested in each other than the video technology, as two male chimps within the study group vied to become the alpha male, disrupting the experiment.

Sounds a lot like what’s been going on between Conan O’Brian and Jay Leno lately, and what happened in the early 1990’s between Leno and David Letterman as Johnny Carson announced he was ready to retire.

I’m sure some will find the show interesting, but I’m betting it won’t be nearly as entertaining as Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp– from the 1970’s.  Come to think of it, if anyone at MSNBC is reading you might want to seriously consider replacing Olbermann with Lance.

It is I, Count Bubba, Good Buddy of Darkness!

In a recent article in WorldNetDaily Drew Zahn writes:

Gay Marriage vs. No-Fault Divorce

In a case with implications for the entire country, California’s Proposition 8 defining marriage as between one man and one woman goes on trial Monday with only private citizens speaking up for the voter-passed constitutional amendment – because state officials have refused to defend it.

Much is riding on the case of Perry vs. Schwarzenegger, for the lawsuit is petitioning a federal court to overturn not just a law, but a constitutional amendment passed by the people and affirmed by the state’s Supreme Court. A victory for same-sex marriage advocates in the case could set a precedent for federal courts to overturn every law and amendment in the country currently protecting the traditional definition of marriage.

And yet, though Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger and California Attorney General Jerry Brown are named as defendants in the suit, both have refused to act in defense of the amendment, leaving it up to the people of California to take a stand for their constitution on their own.

So in The People’s Republik of Kalifornia it’s come to this– elected officials are so afraid of a special interest group, in this case it’s the Gay Mafia, that they aren’t even making ANY attempt to defend the will of the people.

Now personally Count Bubba is in favor of gay marriage, but only under one condition.  That condition is that homosexual marriage has to submit to the same  restrictions that society imposed on heterosexual marriage, namely that there can be NO divorce for about two thousand years.  And if there is a divorce, it has to be litigated in the courts and both parties must have their dirty secrets entered into the public record.

Of course there was a time when the state played no role in marriage, so why do gays have this bug up their, uh I mean bee in their bon. . ., er panties in a–  Why are they so upset about the state not recognizing their unions.  It used to be that marriage was between a man, a woman, their families, the community, and God, though not necessarily in that order.

Back in the days before the state decided it would be a good idea to charge for marriage licenses and turn the institution into a profit center, all it took was a preacher, a notation in the front section of the family Bible, a small family gathering, and bingo!  It was simple to get it done, and incredibly complex to get it undone.

This California case will be interesting to watch as it unfolds, since it mirrors the main conflict that wracks our country today.  It will be interesting to see if the will of  The People is once again subverted by self serving politicians who find it more expedient to pander to the special interests than honor their oath(s) of office.

It is I, Count Bubba, Good Buddy of Darkness!

In case you hadn’t noticed, people die all the time. People we know, people we love, and people we will always remember.  My wonderful Aunt Faye died this year.  Of course relatively few people ever heard of her.

America is full of celebrity obsessed zombies, so every year as December fades, we like to publish lists of famous people who croaked.  I’m sure many on this list had family and friends who loved them, but I’m certain than none of them could make an apricot pie that would rival Faye’s.

JANUARY:

Pat Hingle, 84. Tony-nominated stage actor; Commissioner Gordon in “Batman” movies. Jan. 3.

Cheryl Holdridge, 64. Mouseketeer on “The Mickey Mouse Club.” Jan. 6.

Patrick McGoohan, 80. Emmy-winning actor; star of TV classic “The Prisoner” & “Secret Agent” Jan. 13.

Ricardo Montalban, 88. Actor in splashy MGM musicals; Mr. Roarke on “Fantasy Island ” Jan. 14.

Andrew Wyeth, 91. Acclaimed artist whose portraits and landscapes combined traditional realism, modern melancholy. Jan. 16.

FEBRUARY:

James Whitmore, 87. Many-faceted actor; did one-man shows on Harry Truman, Will Rogers. Feb. 6.

Howard Zieff, 81. Directed films (”Private Benjamin”), TV ads (Alka-Seltzer’s “Spicy Meatballs.” ) Feb. 22.

Paul Harvey, 90. Radio news and talk pioneer; one of nation’s most familiar voices. Feb. 28.

MARCH:

Sydney Chaplin, 82. Tony-winning actor; son of Charlie Chaplin (”Bells Are Ringing”). March 3.

Horton Foote, 92. Playwright (”The Trip to Bountiful”) and screenwriter (”To Kill a Mockingbird”). March 4.

Betsy Blair, 85. Actress, Oscar-nominated for role as shy woman courted by homely Ernest Borgnine in “Marty.” March 13.

Ron Silver, 62. Won Tony as tough Hollywood producer in David Mamet’s “Speed-the-Plow.” March 15.

Natasha Richardson, 45. Gifted heiress to British acting royalty (”Patty Hearst”). March 18. Skiing accident.

Irving R. Levine, 86. Bow-tied NBC newsman who explained the fine points of economics. March 27.

Maurice Jarre, 84. Oscar-winning film composer (”Lawrence of Arabia,” “Doctor Zhivago”). March 28.

APRIL:

Tom Braden, 92. Helped launch CNN’s “Crossfire”; wrote memoir “Eight is Enough” that inspired a TV show. April 3.

Dave Arneson, 61. Co-creator of groundbreaking Dungeons & Dragons fantasy game. April 7.

David “Pop” Winans Sr., 76. Grammy-nominated patriarch of gospel music family. April 8.

Marilyn Chambers, 56. She helped bring adult films into mainstream with “Behind the Green Door.” April 12. Heart disease.

Peter Rogers, 95. Produced British “Carry On” films, hallmarks of lowbrow comedy. April 14.

Ken Annakin, 94. Directed World War II epics “Battle of the Bulge,” “The Longest Day.” April 22.

Bea Arthur, 86. Her sharp delivery propelled “Maude,” “The Golden Girls”; won Tony for “Mame.” April 25.

MAY:

Dom DeLuise, 75. Portly actor with offbeat style (”The Cannonball Run”). May 4.

Mickey Carroll, 89. One of last surviving Munchkins from “The Wizard of Oz.” May 7.

JUNE:

Shih Kien, 96. Veteran Hong Kong actor; Bruce Lee’s archrival in 1973’s “Enter the Dragon.” June 3.

David Carradine, 72. Actor (”Kung Fu,” “Kill Bill”). June 4.

Ed McMahon, 86. Ebullient “Tonight” show sidekick who bolstered Johnny Carson. June 23.

Farrah Fawcett, 62. 1970s sex symbol, star of “Charlie’s Angels.” June 25.

Michael Jackson, 50. The “King of Pop.” June 25.

Gale Storm, 87. Perky actress; one of early television’s biggest stars (”My Little Margie”). June 27.

Billy Mays, 50. Burly, bearded television pitchman. June 28. Heart disease.

Harve Presnell, 75. His booming baritone graced Broadway musicals (”The Unsinkable Molly Brown”). June 30.

JULY:

Karl Malden, 97. Oscar-winning actor; a star despite his plain looks (”A Streetcar Named Desire”). July 1.

Walter Cronkite, 92. Premier TV anchorman of the networks’ golden age. July 17.

Gordon Waller, 64. Half of the British Invasion pop duo Peter and Gordon (”A World Without Love”). July 17.

AUGUST:

Budd Schulberg, 95. Novelist (”What Makes Sammy Run?”) and Oscar-winning screenwriter (”On the Waterfront”). Aug. 5.

John Hughes, 59. Writer-director of smash youth-oriented comedies (”Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” “Home Alone”). Aug. 6. Heart attack.

John Quade, 71. Character actor; the heavy in several Clint Eastwood movies. Aug. 9.

Les Paul, 94. Guitar virtuoso; invented solid-body electric guitar, multitrack recording. Aug. 13.

Virginia Davis, 90. As child actress, appeared in Walt Disney’s “Alice” films in 1920s. Aug. 15.

Don Hewitt, 86. TV news pioneer who created “60 Minutes,” produced it for 36 years. Aug. 19.

Elmer Kelton, 83. Acclaimed Western novelist (”The Good Old Boys”). Aug. 22.

Dominick Dunne, 83. Best-selling author who told stories of shocking crimes among the rich and famous. Aug. 26.

SEPTEMBER:

Army Archerd, 87. His breezy Daily Variety column kept tabs on Hollywood doings for more than a half-century. Sept. 8.

Larry Gelbart, 81. Slyly witty writer for stage and screen (”Tootsie,” “M-A-S-H”). Sept. 11.

Paul Burke, 83. Two-time Emmy nominee for his role as Detective Adam Flint in the gritty crime drama “Naked City.” Sept. 13.

Patrick Swayze, 57. Dancer turned movie superstar for “Dirty Dancing,” “Ghost.” Sept. 14. Pancreatic cancer.

Henry Gibson, 73. Comic character actor; recited offbeat poetry on “Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In.” Sept. 14.

Mary Travers, 72. One-third of the hugely popular 1960s folk trio Peter, Paul and Mary (”If I Had a Hammer”). Sept. 16.

Art Ferrante, 88. Half of the piano duo Ferrante and Teicher (”Exodus”). Sept. 19.

OCTOBER:

Al Martino, 82. Singer (”Spanish Eyes”); played the Frank Sinatra-type role in “The Godfather.” Oct. 13.

Vic Mizzy, 93. Songwriter; did catchy sitcom themes (”The Addams Family”). Oct. 17.

Soupy Sales, 83. Rubber-faced comedian whose anything-for-a-chuckle career was built on thousands of pies to the face. Oct. 22.

DECEMBER:

Richard Todd, 90. Acclaimed British actor (”The Longest Day”). Dec. 3.

Gene Barry, 90. TV’s well-dressed man of action in “Bat Masterson,” “Burke’s Law,” “The Name of the Game.” Dec. 9.

Roy E. Disney, 79. Nephew of Walt Disney; exerted strong behind-the-scenes influence on The Walt Disney Co. Dec. 16.

Jennifer Jones, 90. Oscar-winning actress (”The Song of Bernadette”). Dec. 17.

Brittany Murphy, 32. Actress (”Clueless”), voice of Luanne Platter on “King of the Hill.” Dec. 20. Apparently natural causes.

Arnold Stang, 91. Character actor memorable for nerdy looks, distinctive nasal voice. Dec. 20.

James Gurley, 69. Influential Big Brother and the Holding Company guitarist; backed Janis Joplin. Dec. 20.

Red-hot, and blue

It is I, Count Bubba, Good Buddy of Darkness!

I went to see James Cameron’s 500 million dollar movie, Avatar yesterday. (No, Bubba is not a fan-boy-geek who waits in line for movies on opening day) I ponied up the extra three bucks for the 3-D version and got to wear the cool Drew Carey glasses.  Once I underwent the requisite visual decompression and had seen a few glimpses of the alien planet and the native flora and fauna, I began to wonder what in the hell has people so excited about this movie?  I stayed awake through it’s entirety mainly because I was hoping that Neytiri’s necklace might fall off so we could get a good look at her perky blue breasts.  Admit it guys– we all want to see bare boobies, even when they’re they’re on alien chicks who have blue stripes.

To be as kind as possible, I’d have to say that the 500 million could have been spent on a much better cause than bringing Cameron’s “vision” to the screen. Imagine how many widows and orphans you could feed with that kind of cabbage.

As you’ve probably heard, the story was a re-hash of Dances With Wolves which won 7 Oscars back in 1990.  Of course the plot of Wolves was very reminiscent of 1970’s Little Big Man.  Maybe Cameron figured people would be dazzled enough by the cool, pricey CG that no one would notice the similarity of the boy-meets-native-girl, boy-takes-on-evil- U.S.-Military-to-save-her-and-her- tribe narrative.   And, of course, his story takes place on a planet called Pandora, not the Post Civil War American West and has a lot of the circle of life tree hugger nature worship crap from The Lion King tossed in for a little added spice.

The CG is indeed cool and the 3-D was impressive when it wasn’t giving me a slight headache.  I think the worst thing about the film, other than the lame story and the mediocre acting, was the fact that the gorgeous Zoe Saldana didn’t actually appear in the movie.  Instead she was transformed into a blue 10 foot tall chick with a lion’s eyes, nose and tail.  The weird thing is that she was still kind of sexy.  Who knows how many young teenage boys who see this movie will develop some kind of fetish as a result.  And they’ll be just what our society needs– another group of “victims” to be afforded special status.

The bottom line on Avatar could be summed up easily.  Kudo’s on the cool CG, but you might want to realize that having someone as hot as Ms Saldana star in your film, while not actually having her appear in the film might be the biggest waste of 500 million ever!

Tiger chose to throw this away

It is I, Count Bubba, Good Buddy of Darkness!

What is it about fame and fortune in American culture that causes people to think that they don’t have to obey the rules?  I’m sure that Tiger Woods would never think he could just pick his ball out of a sand trap and toss it up on the green at the U.S. Open without incurring the proper penalty.  Yet he seems to think he can cheat on his beautiful wife and still finish life under par.

I suppose that all the success on the golf course, all the money, all the media attention, all the admiration and accolades he’s received over the years has had it’s usual effect.  Instead of counting his blessings, he’s humping his own hubris.  And evidently that’s not all he’s humping.

An elite segment of our society seems to have forgotten that a man doesn’t just cheat on his wife when he sleeps with another woman, or other women as the case may be.  He cheats on his whole family, his friends, everyone who attended his wedding, and the community as a whole.

Unfortunately that elite segment consists mainly of other celebrities, media movers and shakers, and our professional political class.  Their “we’re rich and famous so  the rules don’t apply to us” attitude trickles down to the average citizen like a slow leak at a toxic waste dump, poisoning the groundwater of civilization.

Sure, Tiger’s transgression(s) will come back to bite him if he has to shell out tens of millions of bucks in a divorce settlement, and his relationship with his children will be permanently marred as well.  He’ll pay in ways we can never know, but the sad part is that our culture is paying too– in ways he’ll never care about.

Edmund Burke-- nice haircut, Eddie!

Many of us who were not educated in the public school system after the mid 1970’s are familiar with the famous Edmund Burke quote: “All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.” Though this sentiment originated in the 18th century it is still true today.  Again, for those of you educated in the public schools anytime after about 1975 there actually is something called objective truth, and good and evil do exist and they are NOT relative. For example, killing a baby is evil and there are no circumstances you can name that transform said infanticide into some type of good deed.

I recently read a wonderful paraphrase of this famous Burke quote.  “The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to vote for the lesser of two evils.”

I hope all you folks out there who have held you nose and cast ballots for people you really didn’t want elected, just because you felt they were just a tiny bit less odious than the candidate nominated by the other party will pause to ponder this paraphrase.

Okay, I got a picture up!  I’m learning new things.  I’ll have this blog tricked out like I want it or else I’ll hold my breath until I turn blue.  After I rest up from all this strenuous mental activity, I may even try inserting a div tag or two.

Of course I may not remember how to access my WordPress Dashboard tomorrow.

It is I, Count Bubba, Good Buddy of Darkness!

This is the first blog post I’m making using WordPress and for all the hype about how great WordPress is, I think I’m not liking it so much because Bubba is kind of a control freak.  It doesn’t look like the rest of my website.  There are no pictures of me, no flashy logo no nothing.  Maybe I can figure out more ways to customize the look of this thing, but I don’t want a learning curve, I want a learning escalator.